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so, many things   
02:06am 14/04/2010
mood: contemplative
sorry to anyone i have made promises to lately, i have been in a serious funk which i attribute to general winter blahness when everything's dead and no one wants to go anywhere or do anything, including me. and the loss of some truly amazing and awesome ppl, unexpectedly, and sadly.

there's so many things i've needed to do and just haven't done. it's finally spring, i'm getting tastes of summer, and i am going to light a fire under my lazy, mopey ass. b/c i can't live like this. my apt. is disgusting. by friday, it will not be. my car needed love. my car is getting it. i passed inspection but i still feel it needs new break pads. thurs./friday it will get them. and new wiper blades. and a thorough cleaning.

a weeding out of my junk needs to happen as well. stuff that i'm not sure i can part with unless i know who's hands it's going into will get an unexpected opportunity when amara visits, which i just learned will happen in may and gives me a great idea.

i also need to figure out apt. options. not immediately, but soon. i feel torn. i've been doing prelem. apt. hunting, just to know what my options are. i halfway want to stay in this apt. and take over the lease (at a somewhat reduced rate) b/c: i won't have to move all my shit. i have a lot. furniture wise. also, i happen to think that this corner is a pretty great spot, i am within walking distance to everything but work. there is even a dd now. <3. and while cramped feeling now, i think having another room just for crafts would be great.

however, it's quite a bit more than i'm paying now, and i feel like i'm just barely making this. though, i don't quite understand why, and i really need to strap down on my budget to figure this out. am i really spending that much in groceries and gas and phone? i'm trying to eat healthier, which is more expensive, but really? and i pretty much only use my phone for work and quick when and where convos, however, i am having to talk to work on a daily basis just to get enough hours, and i know it ads up. yet, no matter what my next lease is, it's going to be significantly more than it is now, no matter what. the only way i can find a comparable rental rate is if i live somewhere completely crappy and unsafe. now i don't care about my stuff or my person that much that i wouldn't live completely ghetto style, but my concern is if someone breaks in for my crappy crap, my cat. she is my baby, and she is a VERY strictly indoor baby. i doubt the perpetrator would be considerate of her safety. and it would be nice not to live that way.

there are other options out there some of which i have seen and liked. there's still wellingham, which is quite nice enough, and very kitty safe, and slightly cheaper than taking over the lease here. however, another perk to this apt. is that internet (not good, but good enough) and cable are included with the rent, and not so much anywhere else. there is one other reason i'm dubious of renting there. i tend to be prone to serious depressive states, and i've viewed those apts. several times, and for the most part i think they're great, but i do get the vibe that if things happened to trigger a depressive period, it'd be more prone to happen there than other places.

there is also copper beach which is right next to these and has a pool. so, i get to keep the corner and i gain a pool. however, they're only a hundred less than these per month, but they're rented by the room. they're very spacious and have several floor plan options. there is a one-bedroom option, but it's on the bottom and doesn't get much light which is bad for me. the best layout is the three-bedroom which is really like a 4 room but one is a "lounge area" which of course i'd want to use as a study/guest room. plus i'd have to know and really really really like and think i could live with 2 other ppl. which at this point i really don't want at all.

then there's melbourne. particularly one specific apt. unit in melbourne. it also has a pool and is a smaller community, so less pool crowding, and i think, less dumb college student ppls. and this one unit was awesome. just. felt like home. some places feel like it, some don't. and no bad vibes at all. it seems a very safe and clean complex, where my neighbors might me, dare i say it?, somewhat well-meaning, responsible ppl. tons of light. and a walk-in closet. the downside? a one-bedroom. grant, a LARGE bedroom, but not really that extra useful space i was looking for. and the kitchen, while nice, is a a good bit smaller than the one i have now.... which is... meh. i LOVE the kitchen in this apt., it was a big selling point for me.

so i feel like those are really the options i'd want to go with here, but i'll still do more looking. there is also the possible option of moving to wilmington. my lease ends june, one of my managers transferred to the kohl's there, and would, i think, get me on there, and even help to ensure i got a decent amount of hours right off the bat. so when i head down there to help amanda find a new place, i'm going to be looking too.

and i know everyone who is reading this is now saying "do that" and move, and i do like wilmington, a ton, lol. only..... i feel like if i make that move, i will never get back into school. and the way things are right now, my academic standing pretty much ensures that the only university that will take me is ecu, at least to start back. once i bring up my gpa, i could transfer, but being accepted back in is well.... so, maybe hold off on wilmington, and get back in school, then transfer and move?

anyhoo, all of that and then some:

about this ireland thing... that i'm supposed to do with two of the three ppl who might actually read this thing??? erm, well... i've been pretty pumped about it for over a year now b/c i will actually be able to financially. but i kinda don't know where the ri and hayley stand. sure they said sure and yey and it will be fun, but i'm not sure they're really that enthused to do it. and with hayley maybe taking classes to help better her career, which i am totally all for if you are going to do that, i'm not sure she will be financially able to take such a big trip this year. which i completely understand. and ri i feel like has maybe different ideas about this trip, like wanting to do it all on this one trip. which would be awesome, but i know myself, and i'm not so sure i'm up for wanting to get really adventurous on my first trip out of the country and first trip in a long time, and in the winter. would maybe be better for a summer trip. and maybe us having diff. ideas of what to do for/on this trip is causing us to hesitate about making the plans. b/c if you know you're going to be doing things you don't want to do and be uncomfortable, you know it's going to end up being a miserable time. and a trip that was supposed to be a long-awaited awesome bonding adventure, will turn out to be a bicker-fest where no one ends up happy, and there was more distancing of the friendships than bonding, and while some things were good, there was too much of not-what-you-wanted-to-do-on-this-fairly-expensive-trip to really have made it worth-wile for anyone.

so, of course i have a few queries into the minds and emotions of these two ppl whom i have tentatively planned this trip with. first of all, hayley, do you really want to do this this year at all? or is it not really in the ability/want category of this years planning? secondly, ri, i know we haven't talked much about it, and certainly nothing definitively, however, does the idea of planning it now give you a headache and is it something you're not so sure about wanting to do this year either? guys, do not be afraid to tell me the truth. i want it to be an awesome, fun, fabulous time, and i want it to make me want to go back for more.

more queries/thoughts/ideas/whatnot: would you guys want another person coming that you don't know? i have a friend, lauren, who would likely, if able, come along as well, and i can assure you that she is an awesome person, and you'd probably like her and get along quite well, but i really thought that she might also be fun to do something like this with. if you'd rather it just be the three of us, that's cool too. and/or if hayley doesn't really want to go, do you still want to, ri? or do you both think it might be better to try and save the funds for going this winter and go in the spring/summer next year instead? (though that might not be very possible on my end, i'm not sure how much more it would cost, or if i would be able to attain that much without needing the extra money for other things... like some of my debt. and my acquired vacation time goes bye-bye in jan. so taking off a week early in the year is difficult.) or if neither of you really wanted to go, would you be offended if i still went, but with other ppl? since we have been talking about it since hs and it was supposed to be an "us" thing? or do you both not really want to go, and instead of going, even though i really really want us to go, i really really want to see and spend more time with you two, i could make a few trips up to the boston this year, perhaps with the hayley instead? i'd love to do both, go up to boston and to ireland, but that's not really possible, unless i amazingly acquire a ton more money.

anyhow, just thinking. i mean if we're all going, we need to start figuring out when and where and whatnot now-ish methinks.

and i know that's a shit-ton to read and is grammatically abrasive at best, but yeah.. i hope you still will.
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there is never enough milk.   
03:18pm 21/02/2010
mood: thirsty
that being said... why are my teeth and bones not nearly as durable as they used to be?

i'm having to take old ppl supplements. *sigh*

(minor side note: why are there no men in greenville? i mean, i'm not really wanting to go pick one out and take it home, but i'd at least like to window shop! i get bored of celebrity crushes!)
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an update?   
05:21pm 10/02/2010
mood: hungry
not really much going on.... still haven't finished x-mas projects... terrible, i know. but it's so time consuming, and i cramp in my neck and legs...

anyhoo, we actually got some snow in greenville, which quickly became ice, but still, seeing snow here is nice, and still rare. i have been very bad about my screenplay project and i really must get down to that and toil.

i hope everyone is doing well and ok! those who i have not yet seen for christmas... well, i know it's rather late, but it does mean i will be coming to see you. i must get my car all happy and fixed first. (bit by bit, as it goes.) not that it needs all that much... that i know of, but it may need more/larger fixes than i am aware of, most likely not, just a matter of time and money. and the money i have for ireland is not allowed to be touched. so it's a slower process.

and how! ri, if i have enough, i think a trip to you should also happen.. so that you can help with the process of getting things done to be allowed to travel abroad.. you know, like passport, and immunizations, and currency exchange and whatnot.. help me obe wan kanori!!!
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no one's happy with their body, but at least we all have them   
08:20pm 22/12/2009
mood: indulgent
so the ri should be in nc soon, if not already. and the hayley needs to put more stuff in her damn list or make a birthday one b/c i'm sure that would be helpful for ppl. btw, i've kinda made a friend with one of the girls that works at crystal connection, little weird, little cool. i feel like i am constantly grocery shopping lately b/c i'm always forgetting or unable to obtain one thing on my list, which is necessary to the things i want to make. the food kitty still sucks. balls. they almost almost didn't have peppermint extract. (or any others than vanilla, WTF?!!?!??) shazzy has been terribly spoiled lately. (my lr has turned into a palatial kitty living quarters, which i have to admit, i am enjoying as well.) although more batches of angel kiss cookies were already in plan, it is now essential i make them, as i've consumed enough to nearly deplete the tin intended for my parents. i'm also coming to the sad conclusion that it will never matter how much weight i gain (when i do), i will never have nicely curved hips. ..without plastic surgery. *sigh* so i suppose i should pay a little more attention to my eating habits again. all that being said, back to the indulgent laying about and daydreaming while the movie is on.
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the bread pudding, i must has it.   
01:53am 06/12/2009
mood: hungry
actually watched x-mas movies... bernard the elf is still hot.

i now want bread pudding in an entirely unnatural way. (*will resist going to the 24-hour grocery to get ingredients....*)

didn't go to little bro's show tonight, despite the fact that it was actually right across the street.. hope he won't be mad at me... i was just warm and cozy and not wanting to leave the house to be surrounded by young ppls. i'll buy their cd, that should make ammends...??

damnit, really wants the bread pudding.... grrrr. ri, *tweaks you nose* BAD ri!!!.
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the hondapita requested it so...:   
01:16am 04/12/2009
mood: add inflicted anti-boredom
1. First Name

2. Age
26, what does that mean?

3. Location
greenville, nc. and everything's all about ireland currently... maybe it's pathetic, but a call from the motherland (or, erm, one of the two) answered, is a little bit of piece of mind and spirit.

4. Occupation
kohl's, i.e.: their bitch.

5. Partner?
sure... if i meet him... say, sometime in the next two years...

6. Kids
who knows at this point, likely not.

7. Brothers/Sisters
four half-sisters, one older brother, one younger psuedo-brother, and several little bits that call me "big sis"

8. Pets
the shazz.

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:
a. work, b/c i need money, b/c i have bills, b/c it costs to live.
b. the shazz.
c. figuring out school
d. learning how to write a screenplay and make a mock-up of a movie.

10. Parents
i have them.

11. Some of your closest friends
if you know about this journal and read it, and i read yours and comment, consider yourself such.
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03:32pm 25/11/2009
mood: cocoa!!
you know, for as crazy as this week is/is going to be, being organized helps. though i'm sure friday will still be a mess of a day/night.

time for.... MORE COCOA!!!!!!!! (with fresh whipped cream! TAKE THAT MARSHMELLOWS!!!)

other note: why is it that the only time metric will be on tour in nc is blcak friday??? and in charlotte??? (oh and i would have given my left arm to go to the deck the hall ball in seattle, and was thinking of getting tickets for amara and justin for x-mas but 'tis sold out. *sigh*)
oooh good media, booo bad weather!!   
05:15pm 13/11/2009
mood: cold
so, there are just a lot of movies i wanted to see going on this weekend... but no way to do and see it all!!

first there's cucalorus happening in wilmington, and looking at the line-up and cross-referencing with work sched. i had come up with the following possible viewings:

Terribly Happy
Dragon's Breath Shorts

Port-Salut Shorts/The Ukrainian Time Machine
Bitch Slap/Duddleswell Shorts

Easier With Practice
The Good Soldier/Mississippi Damned

playing in local theatres there's 2012, and the Men Who Stare At Goats, which didn't come out this week, but i have yet to see.

and playing in theatres that do not exist in nc there's Boondock Saints II: All Saint's Day and Pirate Radio, which are playing at the same theatre in Richmond, VA, which i'm thinking if some other ppl want to go, we can make a sat. night of it.

and then there's the crappy weather which may keep either of the goings about from happening b/c i'm just not feeling the driving in this weather very much right now. plus my car feels funny after avoiding that deer. (and it's still unbelievable that i avoided him, but more so, the ditch right after avoiding him.)
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"Sex is better with younger men."   
08:16pm 09/11/2009
mood: frustrated, but give me time
--Said my co-worker, as another came along and began to strongly agree with her.

And that, I believe, is why I woke up this morning with this little tirade of thought in my head. One that most people have had, thought about, discussed, debated, joked about, etc. by now. Yet nonetheless;

Why on earth are there so many sexual stimulants for older men? I'll grant that most of them aren't necessarily for just older men, but I'm passing the motion right now to reserve the right to say that it is mostly older men who take them.

I'm 26 and my libido has been steadily decreasing for the past 6 years or so. Which is probably a very good thing since my earlier sexual appetite was voracious, and such that, had I had a boyfriend whom I was sexually active with in hs, he would likely have thought I was a complete nympho and that was all I wanted. And I might have worn him out.

I could not understand how people would say that once you're married, forget about sex, or be prepared to work to make it happen once/maybe twice a week, but now that I'm older and growing less attached to my libido on a daily basis, I can very much understand it. I predict that I won't have a sex drive at all by the time I'm 32. Of course, were I to be married, I would make myself make the effort at least three times a week, but that would probably be all of the drive I had left, and the other times a week I felt it was needed would be tremendous efforts of will, acting, and prep work.

This all being said, it is a natural trend in life that for the majority of the female population the libido decreases greatly as women age. It is also such that the libido of the male population decreases as well, though typically not as much or as quickly as it can with women. Thus, where is the plethora of female sexual stimulant pills?

And why are there so many for males? It doesn't make sense. The newly created trend of making older males have the libido of 20 somethings, while neglecting, in large part, to boost the libidos of the older female population is a problem. I understand that for most older males an increased sex drive is directly linked in their brain to vitality and their ego, and therefore they feel younger and more secure in their persons, but for who?

They are not competing for jobs with 20 somethings, and should not be competing for women in that age group at that point in their lives either. ** However, now that they have an increased sexual appetite, and the women who ARE in their peer group, by and large, have a diminished one, the only way to find a sexual match is to search much outside their age range.

Now I don't care who you are, but young 20 something year old women are NOT attracted to much older men without having some hang-ups. They either have some weird and/or deep seeded daddy issue, or have some deep seeded money issues (pre-madonna, lazy, lethargic, spoiled and immature) and are looking for a financial solution or perk that doesn't involve productive work, a sugar-daddy situation, if you will.

And older men (40 something and well up) are NOT attracted to much younger women without having major hang-ups as well. It is unlikely that anyone can have a full, healthy relationship* with anyone else when there is a 20 year or more age difference between them. Older men who desire much younger women usually have trouble connecting emotionally and intellectually with others. Add to boot, they likely have maturity and controll issues as well.

So again, why is society creating this? Most likely because those with the most power and money hold the most influence, and the ones with the most power and money are typically older males, who have pursued power and wealth quite ambitiously throughout their lives, most likely because they have controll and maturity/ego issues.

But all of this brings me to the gender/sex reversal of the same issue: cougars. These women who likely also have trouble connecting emotionally and intellectually with others. And who also likely have ego/vanity/maturity and/or controll issues. There is no way that they are healthy happy people who just happen to like much younger males, especially when men typically take longer to mature in the first place.

Also, the males who want much older women have some obvious mommy/nurture issues as well as maturity/responsibility issues.

And while bringing all of this up I'd like to note that I neither want to be a cougar or a sugar-daddy seeker. And that, while I understand it's likely well-intentioned, I wish my co-workers wouldn't constantly suggest people for me to date. That goes for my friends as well. There are new guys at work and I'm quite sure I've been told that every single one of them is a veritable option for me. No thanks. I work with them, and they are by and large too young for me even if we didn't work together.

** It is to be understood that there are always exceptions, but exceptions by definition does not include the majority which is what I am discussing here and throughout.

* Relationships of a sexual nature.

Other things that brought about this morning tirade include the perfect husband, the joker, and my little bro. Here's the background in story form for each:

The Perfect Husband

I was at work the other day, and it was nearing the end of the night, and had therefore slowed down considerably. And while I was at the jewelry counter I happened to notice a particular gentleman shopping in our store. He wasn't an extremely remarkable person except that he gave off the impression of moderate success, life satisfaction, intelligence, ability, serenity, virtue, and he was dreamy to look at. He had to have been 35 at the very youngest, I estimate around his early to mid-forties, and VERY attractive, for an older male. He definitely gave off the married vibe, and with it the good-husband vibe, and I couldn't help thinking 'I want to find that.' Not that exactly but someone wh's going to turn into that as we age. I shared my discovery with a co-worker, one of the many who perpetually try to set me up with people, but who has more discretion and understanding, and the ability to listen. Though at first she still tried to suggest that he was a potential mate for me. Luckily, he was there with his wife who joined him at the checkout later, and my co-worker shucked, but I think understood that he was a bit too old for me. This isn't a really significant story other than it was one of those occurrences that makes one think about the future and causes daydreams. But he was the perfect husband, for his wife, and maybe there's a similar male in my age range who would be the same for me.

The Joker

So, the week before Halloween I went with some friends to the haunted cornfield (where another co-worker works) and there was a guy dressed as the Joker. (I may have mentioned this.) He looked pretty decent for the part, and an instant crush developed, obviously. However, I have no idea what he really looks like or sounds like or anything else about him, so, crush dismissal. Turns out the co-worker knows much information. He is 22 and apparently quite hot and whatnot. And then she wants to know if I want to talk to him or whatever. Now 22 isn't too far out of my preferred age range, but it IS out of it. (Again me, no equal cougar.) So I say no, but I do still want to see for myself his relative hotness, b/c well.. he did give off the impression that he might be wuite attractive, plus he already has an awesome J costume. *le sigh* But I do NOT want to date him! Too young!! Which brings us to our third and final story...

Little Bro

So there's this guy I know, am friends with, etc. I call him my little bro. B/c that's better/safer/good all around. Well, my friends so far who have met him are all about the idea of us dating. Now I have to admit he is quite attractive, and almost perfect for me. Except that he's 20! (and a little too involved in his church, can you see me going every Sunday to services? no, no we all don't think so.) At any rate, he's my friend, and I keep him in the little bro category to keep from being tempted, which sounds really awful, and is. It helps greatly that he admitted to me he had had a crush on this other chicky-poo that I got to meet who is AWESOME-SAUCE!!!! So now I'm trying to convince him that he needs to give her a shot (his reasoning for not is strictly religious differences, which I doubt will be permanent differences, and at any rate he's 20, and while involved in his church--he runs the sound--open and tolerant of others on a very large scale). So, I am not going to be a cougar EVER, and she is absolute AWESOME-SAUCE, and I will be extremely disappointed in him if he doesn't at least try to see if that could go somewhere.
B/c after all of the initial badgering, I had to admit that I was attracted, but that I DID NOT want to go there, ever.

And would all of my friends/co-workers please stop telling me we would make a cute couple now?!
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09:43am 06/11/2009
  watching moliere.... long day at work tom. we don't close until midnight. ugh.  
oh! sanrio, you are evil...   
12:18pm 31/10/2009
mood: mischievous
so, looking for the matching tote to mine for a friend who is moving and also happens to love hello kitty when i come across some serious temptation...

i want this: http://shop.sanrio.com/hello-kitty-apron/43683-200908,default,pd.html?cgid=Shop-Hello-Kittys-35th-Collectibles so bad, but for no good reason, it just strikes something in me!! even with the pink! debating...

(keeping in mind there are 2-3 totes up there i will most likely find or make room in my budget to get.)
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oh! for more real friends to be closer!!   
05:34pm 25/10/2009
mood: it's time for hallyween!!
actually got out of the house last night... did stuff.. with ppl.. everyone should be proud.

though i get the feeling i would get out more if there were more to do...

and if i had a solid group of friends.. or at least friends to do stuff with that i did not also work with. i know i've made better friends at work in the past, but kohl's is such a stabby-back kind of work environment, it just seems better to keep everyone at a distance, in case they failed in some way and are looking for someone to throw under the bus to deflect the blame. and i'm not friends with the management on fb, so... they're going to believe the ppl who help them out in farmtown over me. it really is a sad state of things from the potential it had when we all started.

at any rate, halloween fun is in full season for the regular plebs so now i can enjoy it more!

and i'm determined to come up with some hot pumpkin drink of warm sugary, pumpkiny goodness before the harvest-time end!!! (if succeed, will post recipe!)

(btw, have i mentioned how much i'm looking forward to next x-mas?! i really need that vacation!)
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somewhat productive?   
01:13pm 20/09/2009
mood: 2 guests, 1 weekend, and work?
i made eggs this morning! ^_^! now tom. i have to make two appts. (re-sched. my eyes, and shazzy's tooth ;.;) and then i think both panda and omie are coming to visit next weekend. ... yey!. (O.O!)

and i have mail to send, if i can ever get to the post office..
it's when you stare too long at something, looking past it and seeing something else, but you don't   
02:41pm 18/09/2009
mood: dislocated
..know what that is, or maybe you're not staring long enough:

having a dis-jointed day. internal clashing with external attempted lifestyle.

it's a fine line btwn you controlling your mind and it controlling you. how do you be creative?

(i know that's a horribly awkward sentence/question, but that is the way to phrase it.) to let your mind be free enough to show you things and take you places you'd never otherwise know to go, but to still be able to be in control of your thoughts and feelings? it's hard sometimes. maybe it's hard all the time. i don't think i know how to do both affectively/effectively.
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tjb???? donde es?   
05:35pm 11/09/2009
mood: annoyed
am i missing something, or is there still no new blog? *BIG pout!!!* halloween stores open, budget available for halloween... not yet... be good. stick to budget... but wants to go shopping.... so badly!!!!
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to update:   
02:23pm 02/09/2009
  so, ... my cat got tapeworms from the vet. FROM THE VET!!!!! was more than pissed about that, went and did $30 worth of laundry. scrubbed and wiped everything down in the apt. didn't get to see/hang with laura for her b-day. also pissed about, but work scheduling is what it is i guess. she came by the store so i could give her her card, but i had planned on treating her (foodwise and whatnot) while she was supposed to be staying with me. however, worms + not getting off work till 1am, and needing to be back @ work at 9am, and not getting off till 5:30 just made that a flop of a plan. she can expect something in the mail soon!! hurt my pinky finger at work running (if you call it that) to get more toppers. just kept flexing it and stretching it. it is not broken, and much better now. Yey! so far, no more signs of tapeworms, better not be. the halloween store is open, i'm excited, who wouldn't be?!! my mom's birthday is thurs. i already have her gift (of object) need card and to get the rest together, needs some conspiring with dad. (had to change completely what i was doing for omie, will have to do that next year, got her something else, just need to see her!!!) am taking a physics class that is more like an astronomy class, which is good but not quite as informative as i had hoped, will take another next semester. (and by "taking", i mean auditing.) and trying to work out a little so that i can breathe going up and down steps and sleeping and whatnot. marion's my gym buddy. i have to teach her how to swim. lolz. b/c i swim about as gracefully as i do everything else, but still, i CAN swim, and i can teach her how, or more importantly how to not drown, and move from one place in the water to another. i need to fix my lamp.  
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09:46pm 21/08/2009
  ooooh!!! i am so mad!!!!!!!!! fucking A!!!!!

will write later, just too pissed right now to even bother.
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06:07am 06/08/2009
mood: accomplished
so, i had the overnights this week, and then a morning shift, so my sleep sched. is completely screwy. not that it's not anyway, but def. more so now.

frank had the baby!!! i'm super-duper excited!!!! (frank is brother of shannon, for whom i became aunty kat to two little girls i love to death, and who i feel like is my sis in a way, i just hope she knows that) myra jane is my new nieces name! and she's beautiful!!

i had to take the mishka babbu to the vet for her yearly check-up, and now she knows what the carry case means... O.O uh-oh! but she's got a clean bill of health! but she might have to have one of her canines removed... it was alraedy pulled out some before we got her (i always thought she had just grown one more than the other). i need to watch it in the next few months, so her teeth cleaning is waiting for the toothy, but vet said that she didn't really need the teeth cleaning, so that 's just an extra precaution for booboo.

also had my yearly nerdy, dorky, weird flirt with the guy that works there, who isn't quite my usual type, being that he's blonde, but he's also nice and tall, and kinda nerdy himself, but with enough boldness to come over and talk to me, which is greatly appreciated! i know, i'm a dork.

and now i have to go all the way back to work for my yearly "review".
"we appreciate all that you do for kohl's."
you bet your sweet asses you do! you def. totally do!
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disturbia; everything BUT the kitchen sink; and good for you, good for others cuteness!!!   
10:41am 30/07/2009
mood: creeped out, quizotic, and !!!
ok so out of morbid... not really curiosity, since i know what it's about, but maybe a morbid reminder that there are freaktastically creepy things going on in the world i watched part of toddlers & tiaras. *shudders* i highly recommend watching it if you haven't been seriously disturbed in a while. they have a whole separate category and crown that everyone gets judged on: FACIAL BEAUTY. Very young girls up through 10-ish yrs of age, are judged on how naturally beautiful their faces are. MIND-FUCKINGLY SICK.

in other notes: they finally came and fixed our sink today, we hope. only 3 days in after they had been informed of the problem, while they had been working on cleaning up the apt. directly beneath us for the next tenants. excuse me if i think no amount of fresh paint on the walls and new carpet is going to indicate a nice unit if there's a big water stain/leak on the ceiling.

also, my xo is ADORABLE!!! i think though, that after a few more generations i'll def. get another one/get one for myself. (i was going to use my tax monies to get one/give one this x-mas season, which would be a 2nd gen, but after revealing my plans to my parents, they were super-awesome and decided to give me one of theirs since they're not really using them.) so now i have a first gen. and it def. could do more, but it's pretty good for what it is. gonna get a mem. card to make it run a little faster, (it's really rather slow, often), but again, ... for what it is...

if you don't know what an xo is, i recommend you check it out, it's a great program! (and the cutest laptop EVER!!!)

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guilt-ridden, and should be, but is it really that bad?   
01:14am 17/07/2009
mood: guilty
ok, so in running my errands today, i found the perfect white blazer, and khakis, and that's where it should have ended...

however, in a i-want-and-am-ready-to-dress-like-a-grown-up, and these items are exactly me, and on sale/clearance, i went a little nutzo. this is not to say that this is the first time i have been wanting/procuring a more adult wardrobe, yet some of the pieces in the past weren't quite my style. add to-boot that i work in a retail store and see way cute things go down to ridiculously low prices and then factor my discount on top, and yes i've acquired some trend pieces that just aren't serving me. now, i'm probably going to have to return some of these items (or watch for them to go down further, return and re-purchase (dame desu nee!, yes i know., but i'm kind-of justifying them with conundrum logic. i finally have actualized my style, i know what really works for me, what i like vs. what i'll wear vs. uniquely young adult me. not to mention, the specific colour-wheel, style/tailoring, length, fit, comes around every so often and then vanishes until who knows when. a long time ago it was in j. crew (and more affordable then), then it was a target and some other place years later. now it's back and i'm thinking it's an investment, and one that is apt to be good, since i KNOW i like this style, i KNOW i like the colours, i KNOW i like the fit, i KNOW it doesn't feel too old, and i KNOW it's not too young.

and i know there has been $600 at the most invested into my wardrobe since 2001. that may seem like a lot of money but that's less than a hundred a year on clothes. need we mention that i am a girl, somewhat stylish--i hope, and three bulk shoppings of that money were for work-wearable, job-gettie clothes, slash gifts from mom and omie (one was me after getting recent job). that's no-where near the average clothing consumer, esp. female consumers.

plus i've already gotten rid of 4 bags of clothes when i moved into this apt. (granted, one went not out, but into dress-up, still, it's out of my working wardrobe), and since then i've gotten rid of 2 more. now i'm filling up another one, and marking certain items for further potential good-riddence.

even with that, i'm still feeling guilty.
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